In This Moment

  Reflections from the Heart of Happiness

                                       ...a meditation book

 

     Thomas H. Beyer

 

These writings are a result of decades of reflection, and listening to and learning from many people. I am profoundly indebted to all those who've helped guide me. So, as I have been influenced by a wide variety of people, my words aim to return this favor in kind, and speak to the most common ear--in this world where divisions, and divisiveness and people struggling are ever so apparent.

“In This Moment” is written in a dialogue format, which I find most useful in conveying the book's message and helping others receive it. These talks, therefore, simulate meetings I've had with friends, fellow teachers, clients and students throughout the years.

Thus, in attempting to stay true to what I've learned and to my own experience and voice, this book emerges from what I see as the wellspring of genuine happiness, inner peace and overall well-being. There is value, then, in slowly reading and re-reading what's presented here and letting it sink in, in any instant and over time…and the greatest value in bringing one's meditation to any and all aspects of one's life.

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In this or any moment, it's so good to relax into and as the whole body--open to what is and alive in all our senses...being with our breathing—feeling each breath in and each breath out. Awareness of breathing's flow--with the belly naturally rising on exhalation and falling on exhalation--is a most beneficial, ever-available way to center our attention, calm the nervous system, and sense the connection with our life-giving Source.

How good it is to simply be present, and attuned to what we might be seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking and doing--open and attentive to all that's going on. How good to be consciously relaxed in the body--aware from scalp to toe, settled in our seat and grounded in our feet.   One  can  be  this way continuously or intermittently--while being silent or vocal, active or still.

And it's certain, thoughts will spontaneously and continually pop up. We can accept this as part of the thinking-mind's nature, and see any mind-forms that arise, and make use of their information if we choose. Or, like with anything we recognize as useless and unnecessary, we can let such thoughts arise and pass--letting them be and letting them go.

Yeah, as you were talking I couldn't help noticing, as I have many times, that my thoughts are often trivial, repetitious, worrisome about the least little things, and have nothing to do with what's here and now, or what's really important.

There can definitely be a reactive, anxious quality to our thinking. And this can be very subtle and barely noticeable, or quite strong, repetitive and long-lasting…Our attention can quickly get trapped by a thought, then by another thought, which can then react (and even seem at war) with previous ones and so on. And let's face it, sometimes our thinking will sound noisy, sometimes more quiet; sometimes agitated, sometimes not; appearing positive and supportive in certain occasions, or more critical, bothersome and even tyrannical in others.

That's why it's so vital to pay attention to our mental activity--as our thoughts can have such a strong impact on our emotions, our physical body and our actions. When we're mindful, we can notice when our mental activity is appearing to get the better of us--when we're letting our thoughts needlessly stress us and pain us. And this can happen when we're overly fixated on our predicaments and plans, fears and desires, and whatever else we might believe is most valuable and true.

So, as we sense the whole body being right here, right now, it's good to be aware of our internal dialogue. In being like this, as the watcher, or the witness, we are exercising a fuller and truly liberating capacity of mind--letting our awareness outshine any thought-form when we aim its light there...Thus, we can say that the mind is not only the place in the brain from where thinking is generated, but also the power of attention that can fill this space with itself. Thoughts will happen, it's part of the mind's job; and we can be mindful—be a mind full of awareness.

This is to naturally be aware as consciousness itself over and above the content of the thinking-mind--letting awareness itself be the boss, and therefore be thinking's master rather than its slave. We can use our thoughts rather than be used by them—to serve us in the ways we choose--reflecting, perhaps, on what we really value, and what is most conducive to our genuine happiness.

I find I can so quickly get preoccupied with, and unconsciously driven by things like, “what's next?” …or “if only” I had this or that, or was somewhere else, doing something else, then I'd be happy. There can be a undercurrent of impatience and worry--that if I don't get what I want, when I want it, I'll be filled with unpleasant feelings, frustrated and unhappy.

This is the very stress from which many people suffer...And likewise, for many of us, life is full of things that appear boring, tedious, uninteresting; and so, we spend a lot of time and effort seeking things to satisfy us, stimulate us, excite us—always with a sense of “neediness”—of needing something because this moment isn't deeply satisfying as it is.

And as I see it, our deepest satisfaction is directly linked to realizing and being settled in the core-truth of our being. Such is the connection with our Source, and What is pulsing life in our every heartbeat, and breath and bit of consciousness through which we are aware. This is home, and where we always are but may not realize it or live like it...And thus, we have an ongoing opportunity: to recognize our true nature and most genuine contentment--the love and inner peace that's more fundamental to us than our mental activity, our emotions and our circumstances.

Now, as I've begun to be more present and open to the here and now, and with a real sense of my heart's truth, I don't feel so driven to get onto the “next thing” all the time--to get something I think I'm lacking. And if I do get caught up in believing that story, I'm more able to see it for what it is, and stop it in its tracks. And what I'm finding is this: It's not any activity itself that's most fulfilling, but how I'm being, how fully in the here and now I am that's truly rewarding—how relaxed and settled I am in the moment.

I'll sometimes even use thought-words to help give my undivided attention to whatever I see, or hear, or sense or do—perhaps saying to myself: “I am breathing, seeing, hearing, feeling or doing such and such; I am stepping, walking here; reaching, holding, lifting something; chewing, tasting and swallowing my food,” etc. This seems to be putting the mind to good use; and whatever helps us be fully present to the present is a good thing.

Yes. And really being in the moment lets us appreciate life's little things, and all there is to love in this lifetime! ...If we're not really open and present to what we're experiencing, we might even express that, “life is passing us by.” In any instant, then, we can bring ourselves back, bring our awareness and our senses into the present, and “stop and smell the roses” more often. And the inclination to be mindful like this happens naturally...and really, it's effortless! --like falling in love with someone, and not having to try and remember that he or she touches us inside.

It's so good to stop, and be still, even for just a few seconds, a few moments; and a way to be more aware, more awake with open eyes and an open heart. This is especially helpful whenever our thoughts are anxiety-ridden, or when we have an excess of nervous energy, or seem in too much of a hurry to get somewhere. And how much more clear, calm and centered we are when we're in touch with our breathing, with what's going on right now and consciously, intentionally, doing one thing at a time.

We are given great opportunities in daily life to be this way—when we're greatly urged (and even forced at times) to stop, and “just be here”--like in a store checkout line, or while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, or while playing golf—where slowing down and taking “one shot at a time” is always good advice to follow…Eating a meal is another great time to consciously be with what we're doing and savor it--to be closely aware of raising the food to the mouth, and chewing, tasting and swallowing each bite.

And as we're pointing out a lot here, if we're not alert to what's going on, there's a world of thoughts and feelings that might grab our attention, and lure us into fretting over all kinds of things.

That's why it's so good to consciously feel connected to the whole body!—and open to all that's occurring inside and all around us. Such is being in sync with life as it is—which is always happening now…And unless we're being in the moment, we'll miss the fullness of it, the beauty and wonder of it, and more likely to be wrapped up in our mental activity...which is often so much about the past or the future--about what is gone, or always not yet.

It's amazing how quickly I can get sucked into my mental activity that's mostly about the future, and worrying about it, or being in a hurry to get there.

When we're constantly thinking about the future, about what might happen, anxiety is a common by-product. When we believe so much in (and have a lot at stake in) what we might hope for, seek and plan for, and scheme and worry about--there's not only that stress, but the fear of what will happen if we don't get what we want, or if we fail…Even our looking forward to things can become such a habit, that when the hoped for time arrives, we're off to the next desire--not fully savoring the moment and what was once so greatly anticipated.

On the other side of things, are those people who live so much in the past, that there can be a lot of pain in missing “the good ol' days” and wishing the present didn't pale so much in comparison…Or perhaps, there's much regret and resentment about the past that we might continue to carry with us.

What about things that we can't help worrying and really being afraid about, like our children's safety, for example?

Facing our thoughts and emotions means seeing them clearly, accepting them, and finding out if they contain any useful information. These feelings might be what's needed--to prompt us to act in the ways we must--to find the best ways to care for our family, protect them and ensure their safety. And if anyone is in danger, worry is natural, as is fear when there is an obvious and immediate threat to us. When our lives are threatened, or any kind of harm or physical pain is imminent, fear is an automatic response and part of the body-mind's animal, survival instincts.

And the concern that follows from this allows us to recognize ahead of time any and all situations that would be dangerous, and to take all necessary precautions—learning from what's happened in the past, and plan and prepare for any moment's possibilities in practical and intelligent ways. Thus, we can “think things through” when we must—in order to protect ourselves when necessary, or when we need to solve problems or make decisions…This is just being smart, and using the mind to serve our overall well-being.

…And smart, as well, to recognize any and all mental activity that might have an undercurrent of unnecessary anxiety—that might have us continually worrying about the least little things…not to mention the tendency in some of us to let our imaginations run wild with every dreadful possibility, and automatically go into panic mode. Who wants to live like this, really?—in perpetual states of fear.

With our being attentive, being mindful, we can better tell the difference between the concern that serves us well, and the worrisome mental projections about the future (that if we let them) weigh excessively heavy on us and only wear us down. Each of us must see this for ourselves—distinguishing the useful from the futile, and the constructive from the destructive--distinguishing, as well, creative “daydreaming” from mental states that only contract our attention and numb us. And we gain this insight as we sharpen our awareness, and deepen our opening and our being present to what is.

It's clear to me, then, that while it's a practical necessity to plan and prepare for certain things, like what we have to do at work the next day—we can still be in the present—actually living here rather than “future tripping” so much. Life is too short, too precious, to not be in the here and now as much as possible.

And key to all this, is feeling consciously connected to the body in the moment, and being aware of any mental activity that might trigger a rush response in us. Looking directly at what we're thinking naturally slows down its speed, our being run by it, and our belief that we better be in a hurry or else.

What seems especially important to me, is being willing to meet and freely feel anything—especially the previously uninspected churning of our thinking-minds and the emotions they spark. The so-called negative effects of our thoughts and emotions don't become such a big deal when we see them clearly, provide room for them, accept them—without having to change them.

And we don't have to change what pops up in our mind. We just have to look directly at whatever's happening--with the light of our awareness that's greater than any thought or feeling, and has no problem with any of it. Our being present, our being aware, in effect opens the mind when it might otherwise subconsciously tighten in and around any thought. And as you said, and as we'll emphasize a lot here, acceptance is key.

We can accept what comes up in our thinking, and freely feel any corresponding emotion, and accept that we don't want to be controlled by the mind's neurotic tendencies.

I can see a pattern in my thoughts and feelings that seems to have been engrained since childhood. What's fueling it, or behind it, is a seeking for attention and approval—the fear of being disliked, disapproved of, criticized for not being good enough, for being unworthy, unattractive, unsucessful etc. So my whole life feels like an attempt to prove myself, and uphold a certain self-image…or protect myself from feeling put down…It's like a tape that keeps replaying in my thoughts and emotions in various forms.

For each of us, there's much to see through in any moment. We can't change what's happened in the past, the traits we've inherited and how we've been conditioned; but we can change our relationship to any of it right now. In this instant, we can be willing to let any of the old stuff come up, and it's likely it will—perhaps forever. It's OK. Whatever our story is--wanting attention and approval, or to not feel “not good enough,” or worthless or ashamed—any or all of it—we can give ourselves permission to think and feel whatever we do. We can see it all, meet it all, be free to contain it all. We can fully accept ourselves.

Such attentiveness and acceptance is, in essence, love. An instant of this--of openness, of letting be, of compassion, of forgiveness and letting go, can transform our relationship to our “stuff,” our story, our habit-patterns—loosening its grip on us.

Sometimes I just feel so stuck in what I'm feeling. Whether the emotion is one of fear, or sadness or anger, I can seem to get overwhelmed by the discomfort of it. Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of sadness regarding a loved one's passing and the prospect of my own someday.

So, right now or at any time, if we're feeling any such sorrow, we can let ourselves be completely sad without trying not to be, without resisting how we're feeling. Even if it seems like a dark cloud weighing a ton, we can let any grief rain on us in a complete downpour, with nothing to stop whatever's washing through us.

We can give unimpeded access to whatever's disturbing us (and even invite it in)--and let that energy, however heavy or dreaded, firey or tense, run through our belly, chest, groin, legs, and head--all over. Whatever is arising, be it any fear, or sorrow or anger--anything--best to acknowledge it, allow it, and all the sweating, shaking, numbness and paralysis that might occur. And this includes facing our fear of death and the destined vanishing of these bodily entities.

It's very freeing, very relaxing, to simply and purely feel how I'm feeling, and to give myself complete permission to do so.

And essential…When we don't really face our mental-emotional activity and feel it freely--it can often persist, fester in us, and seem like it has control over us. It's my sense, that the pain we often experience is actually the resistence to meeting what's arising in the mind, and feeling its emotional counterpart in the body. If we simply and fully experience whatever is coming up, and not try to change it—but be with it, go right into it--there is, like you say, an energy that is open and free...Even tension itself is like this: If we squeeze our fist hard enough and long enough, at some point, the hand relaxes, and we find that in the core of tension is spaciousness too.

Or said this way: When we're no longer avoiding or resisting what's happening, we're no longer avoiding or resisting being like we are at our innermost--open and free to meet our every part. Such an openness is a willingness to admit feeling however we are--despondent, or angry, shame-ridden, desolate or worthless--anything. Such is simply a healthy way to be, as we're no longer hiding from our emotions or pretending they don't exist. For some of us, this can feel like a great weight has been lifted from our shoulders.

So, again and again--acceptance--as we continually look inside ourselves with a willingness to meet what's there. Such is our being present as the presence of consciousness itself, and being the freedom to feel however we are—persisting in letting this light of awareness, this light of acceptance, of love, shine on everything. And lucky for us, this is who we are, in truth.

And how fortunate to realize this! --that who we really are is much deeper and wider than the content of our mental noise. Such is the light of consciousness, and our connection with our Source, with God—a bond that's infinitely more essential and real than our thoughts, and feelings and circumstances.

So, right now, or at any time, we can let a hand rest on the belly, or in the center of the chest, and feel into the breathing, the beating heart, and our union with What is giving us life in every moment.

We don't need any concept of what this is, or have to try and get connected or struggle to be where our attention is--in the pulse of our being—God's life-stream that floats us all, and flows through our every nook and cranny!

What a wonder that our every breath, our every heartbeat, is coming from out of nowhere, where all inhaling begins, exhaling disperses and nothing real ever leaves us...How good to be conscious of this—the Life/Energy/Spirit creating us, sustaining us and receiving these bodies upon their passing. How good to be rooted and rested here, in our essential reality, right now—being aware of this in the belly, groin, legs and feet, solar plexus, chest, arms, throat and head—all over.

And it all comes around to this, points to this--home! --the core-truth of our being, our ever-present connection with our Source...Whatever's happening is our chance to realize how all-inclusive and spacious home is--in our simply allowing and freely feeling what is...and without having to try and change or get rid of a thing.

It's my sense, that when I really look at any thought, or feeling or physical form I realize that, at its core, is no-thing, no actual substance. As science actually confirms with the most penetrating microscopes: At the innermost of anything or anyone is nothing but space. And this, it's clear, is the same all-pervading Energy sustaining us and What the body-mind naturally passes into upon its dissolving.

So, rather than trying to resist, or avoid or escape what we're thinking or feeling, we can meet and keep meeting whatever's occurring--all the way to the same vastness that permeates everything, and where all the room is provided for everything to be as it is. And we can be absolutely sure of this--that even our form's eventual non-existence abides in God's infinite reach and is nothing to resist at all. No matter what, we're home!

Couldn't this too be called just another story?

We can call it whatever we want. What story, then, do we want to tell ourselves? What is most conducive to real happiness and inner peace? What fills each of us with the most joy and allows for life's greatest enjoyment? What is most worthy of our attention and devotion? Honestly! Don't take my word or anyone else's; but investigate for yourself. What is most true? What guides us the best, and provides us with the most accurate compass and sense of direction? What do we want to teach our children, and leave behind for them? Each of us must see and decide for ourselves.

As I see it, when I tell the whole truth, and go to the deepest places inside me, what I find is the union with my Origin and Sustenance!This is what's most real. So, what better place to be, than being settled here and at peace here, in our very essence, our true home—especially as all the turbulence of mind, body and circumstances inevitably occurs.

One could say, then, that meditation is awareness itself, and what we put our attention on, reflect on--like what we value the highest; or what we really, really want in life; or what our Source-connected true nature is.

Yes…As we're referring to it here, meditation is simply being aware, being consciousness itself, and consciousness aware of something. Such is using the mind to focus on, reflect on, whatever one chooses--like all the things you mentioned. We can, thus, direct our thoughts in the most constructive ways possible--point them home, and let them serve our highest intentions.

What a play this life is—that our true nature is perfect and always, already here, and most humans don't really know it, or live with a real sense of it.

That's why we're here having these considerations and contemplating this: to really look into our heart's truth, our core-truth. In fact, this is what the mind is most wonderfully intended and suited for—to be attentive to what we value the most, and intend to grow and evolve in...like our being more and more relaxed and settled in the certainty of our Source-connectedness. And this naturally manifests as expressions of love, pure and simple.

So, it seems we would naturally want to be as aware as we can—to better see through anything that would try to stand in love's way.

This awareness is openness, the freedom to feel, and meet and keep meeting whatever's occurring. Such openness is love, is acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. And with the light of awareness we see that nothing, in fact, can stand in love's way.

Speaking about growing and getting better at things: What about setting goals in our lives and trying to achieve them? You speak so much about being in the present, don't we have to be future-oriented in order to attain our goals?

The attaining of a goal like learning a new language, or new occupation, or a musical instrument may be seen to happen someday down the road, that's true. But these kinds of goals are only achieved in taking one step at a time. What we want to take place someday may be a primary motivating factor. But realizing our goals will only happen if we take care of business in the present—if we do what needs to be done right now—putting our attention on what needs to be learned first, before the next thing, and so on. We can't get ahead of ourselves. We need to master very simple songs first, and then more and more challenging ones, before we can flawlessly play Mozart, Beethoven or Bach. And all this happens in the here and now…and if it doesn't, we won't learn and get really good someday.

The same with love and realizing our true nature: We can appear to get better at these, but only if we are loving and inquiring into our very essence, right now. We can more consistently accept ourselves, forgive ourselves, let be and let go; we can more deeply rest in the certainty of our heart's truth...all of which we do in this moment, and over time, as best we can. So, this is why we're repeating the same fundamental themes here in these meetings. It's clear, that repetition helps all of us understand things better, to let anything sink in more thoroughly, saturate us more completely.

But let's not forget, that the full realization of our Source-connected essence can happen in the heartbeat of any moment! …no matter what's gone on or not gone on previously. That is the fundamental difference between “self-realization,” or awakening to our true nature (or whatever we might want to call it), and any other goals we might have, where step-by-step learning has to take place...Whatever's taking place is our chance to realize our heart's core-truth, in this moment.

It just struck me: All our limitations, false beliefs, frustrations, and anything else that results from the reactivity of our thinking-mind, is actually our great opportunity and the greatest incentive--to bring the light of awareness, the light of love, to anything that's happening. The pain of our mental-emotional reactivity is the grace of suffering prompting our waking up in this lifetime.

Yes...And the light of awareness, of consciousness itself, is the gift that allows us to see through our false beliefs and any subsequent suffering--our illusions of identifying too much with the our past conditioning, and our thinking-mind's limiting habit-pattern stories. This grace has the power to illuminate us, enlighten us—and to truly see that we're never, in fact, apart from God's presence, and the greatest of all intimacies and our purest joy and peace...And this realization, this grace, allows us to show compassion and forgiveness for all that is “all too human” --to let be and let go.

An instant is all it takes—to tell the most fundamental truth about ourselves—to look directly into the pulsing of our hearts or any breath and honestly affirm this: Our very essence is our oneness with God, with our Source and Sustenance, and what unites us all amid our diversity! And what better way to better our world, than by treating each other more as we really are.

Such is the love revealed in our truth-telling's deepest and most expansive reach—where life's blessings, essential meanings and purposes are understood. Such is, purely and simply, the happiness of a life given to love and being at peace in the Oneness, now and forever…home.

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(Continued on “More from Book” Page)